[This letter was penned by a resident of northern Wisconsin upon reading news that Scott Walker told a gathering of the Wisconsin Manufacutrers and Commerce that he would make it a priority to get a new mining bill passed by the legislature so that Gogebic Taconite mining company could begin plans to mine iron ore in the Penokee Hills. – Editors]
Dear Governor Scott Walker,
Today I read about your plea to change mining laws before it is too late and I became intensely motivated to take action. Who would have known that our precious ore bodies in the Penokees are liable to get up at any moment and walk off to a more nurturing state!? How foolish and rude of Wisconsin to insult Mr. Chris Cline’s good will with our costly ignorance. Clearly there is imminent need for us to change our laws before it is too late.
After reading your plea I scarfed down the rest of my breakfast and rushed right out the door in a manic panic to stop the ore from leaving. That was when I paused, looked at the horizon, and saw the Penokees sitting there just how I see them every day. I blinked twice yet I still didn’t see any visible signs of ore body departure. No preemptive signs of flora and fauna evacuating in large groups either. Then I checked my drinking water from the aquifer flowing down from the hills to make sure that it was still flowing normally. Heck, I even looked online for any local seismic activity since the crustal rebound occurred a few thousand years ago after the Laurentide Ice Sheet melted away and there has been no significant activity of tectonic shifting.
Governor, please allow me to help you become aware of the fact that there are no signs of ore bodies leaving this state. After heeding the thrilling call to manifest destiny as you dictated, I had to resign myself to the unexciting reality that I wasn’t going to be corralling runaway taconite up in the hills today after all. But as someone living on the front lines I am still motivated enough to become prepared for some old traditional ferrous wrangling, so I did some research to out exactly how much defined ore body there is in the Penokees is so that I would notice if any ore started leaving yet or not and know how big of a posse to round up for a pancake feed and beat back the ore or whatever.
Oops, turns out that there is no defined ore body in the Penokees, according to the lack of property taxes being paid. Maybe that’s why it appears that we need to rush Mr. Cline’s laws into legislation; the ore body can’t be missed when it was never there to begin with. If that’s the case, Governor, then may we please have your permission to go back down to code orange on the eco-terrorist threat scale now?
In the meantime, I will keep watching, drinking, and eating the beauty of the Penokees every day. I know that you can’t see here from your backyard, so I will be the first to let you know if there are any signs of ore bodies leaving Wisconsin without Mr. Cline’s approval.